Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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