I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Randomize
