Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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