My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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