Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
