Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
