So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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