Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize