I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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