That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
