I like to think it a success when the cops are called
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
