Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
