I wish my penis had an off switch
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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