party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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