Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
