I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
