yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
