i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
