I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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