If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize