i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
