I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
