i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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