i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize