I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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