the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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