What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
