My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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