Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
