He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
