My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
