i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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