I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
