I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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