I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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