He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
