she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
