Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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