i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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