3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
