I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
