Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
