Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
