I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
