I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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