Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize