who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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