We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
