puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
