At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
