So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
