i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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