In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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