thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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