when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
