you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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