Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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