Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think i got beer on your cat.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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