The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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