is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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