I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
