Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
