How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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