I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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