This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
the raccoons are back...
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