dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The uberlube is also flammable
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
