It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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