Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize