I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
