Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
