My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize