I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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