I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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