I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
