The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
