what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
