I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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