you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize