what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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