i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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