u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
