my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
