i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
