There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
