you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
