The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize