I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
