eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
