My liver just broke up with me...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
