my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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