yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
