Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
