Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize