Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
