I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think people are normalizing furries
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
