That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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