My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
