he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
