Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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