So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
