it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
