I'm pants shitting drunk right now
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
