How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
