We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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