Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
