the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
