I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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