I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
