It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
