You smell like stripper and shame
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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