Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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