So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
