I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
