cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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