This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
