Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
