I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
