I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
