im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
