These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
