the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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