If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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